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GYWO: Going to try for 250K before the end of the month. I met my pledge in the middle of November, but I'm so close to the next level up and see no reason not to go for it.
I should be really happy about this, right? But I can't bring myself to be happy, because I have finished almost nothing this year.
You see, I've STARTED so many short stories, I've worked on various projects, but I think that out of the entire year I finished about five pieces total, all of them just at or under a thousand words. I stopped keeping track of the projects on my GYWO spreadsheet months ago, because seeing it change constantly got so depressing. I can't even honestly say that I finished the one 5000+ word story that I HAD to finish. I managed to get it to a decent stopping point out of necessity, but I didn't finish the story that I really wanted to tell.
I can't publish works that I don't finish. And I don't... I really don't know what to do about it, or I would have done it by now, because this is irritating.
I don't know... I mean, if not for RP recaps that only one other person has told me that he's read, and that after the first one no one else ever participated in, I wouldn't have made this goal. That was a large part of my word count for the middle part of the year. A large part of my word counts for later in the year was the wiki that someone made for the same RP, and that, again, people lost interest in after a while, even when I specifically asked for others to help me out. Not exactly publishable work. Not exactly fulfilling, after a while when it seems that no one else cares about what is, at heart, supposed to be a collaborative project.
It's just my frustration in general working against me. I can write, but I can't focus on old projects, and part of me thinks that there's no point if I can't finish anything in the end. I can't motivate myself to exercise; I'm gaining weight again, and yet I want to do nothing but sit around with my boyfriend and play video games sometimes. I shouldn't keep eating out, but I keep doing it anyway, because I'll go to the kitchen, think about cooking (and I HAVE the materials now) and then just walk back out because I don't really feel like it in the end. It's frustrating, but all I can do is go on.
So. Back to writing. I've got to at least try to get a few more words in before the end of the month, on something. It doesn't matter what. Just something. Even if it's just more ranting. (And here I thought I'd broken that writer's block.)
I should be really happy about this, right? But I can't bring myself to be happy, because I have finished almost nothing this year.
You see, I've STARTED so many short stories, I've worked on various projects, but I think that out of the entire year I finished about five pieces total, all of them just at or under a thousand words. I stopped keeping track of the projects on my GYWO spreadsheet months ago, because seeing it change constantly got so depressing. I can't even honestly say that I finished the one 5000+ word story that I HAD to finish. I managed to get it to a decent stopping point out of necessity, but I didn't finish the story that I really wanted to tell.
I can't publish works that I don't finish. And I don't... I really don't know what to do about it, or I would have done it by now, because this is irritating.
I don't know... I mean, if not for RP recaps that only one other person has told me that he's read, and that after the first one no one else ever participated in, I wouldn't have made this goal. That was a large part of my word count for the middle part of the year. A large part of my word counts for later in the year was the wiki that someone made for the same RP, and that, again, people lost interest in after a while, even when I specifically asked for others to help me out. Not exactly publishable work. Not exactly fulfilling, after a while when it seems that no one else cares about what is, at heart, supposed to be a collaborative project.
It's just my frustration in general working against me. I can write, but I can't focus on old projects, and part of me thinks that there's no point if I can't finish anything in the end. I can't motivate myself to exercise; I'm gaining weight again, and yet I want to do nothing but sit around with my boyfriend and play video games sometimes. I shouldn't keep eating out, but I keep doing it anyway, because I'll go to the kitchen, think about cooking (and I HAVE the materials now) and then just walk back out because I don't really feel like it in the end. It's frustrating, but all I can do is go on.
So. Back to writing. I've got to at least try to get a few more words in before the end of the month, on something. It doesn't matter what. Just something. Even if it's just more ranting. (And here I thought I'd broken that writer's block.)
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Date: 2009-12-30 02:48 am (UTC)From: