wallwalker

Some more Goes Wrong Show questions and answers from Tumblr!


Anonymous: If Robert could magically acquire one superpower, what would he choose? (Alternatively, if you could pick one for him, what would it be?)

Robert: I was offered one superpower of my choice.
Annie: Seriously? Lucky you! What did you choose?
Robert: I went for flight, in the end.
Annie: Oh, wow, flying would be amazing. Have you been flying around a lot, then?
Robert: What? No, of course not. I haven’t had a reason to use it yet.
Annie: Uh, what counts as a reason to use it?
Robert: (rubbing his hands together) Let’s see Chris cast Jonathan as Peter Pan now.

If I could pick one for him, maybe uncontrollable invisibility, because it would be funny. Suddenly turning invisible at random intervals is the last thing Robert wants; he’d promptly seek out ways to make himself impossible to ignore even when he’s invisible. The downside, of course, is that I’d have fewer opportunities to gaze upon his excellent face.


the-red-thread-that-strangles: Would Robert prefer to be a butler or a maid, and how would he do in the role?

Both the butler and the maid are support roles and are therefore unsuited to the lead actor. However, the butler is often the culprit in murder mysteries, and the villain is an acceptable role. Therefore, Robert would prefer to be a butler.

Robert would not be a good butler, with his failures in the role ranging from ‘general clumsiness and speaking inappropriately to guests’ to 'outright attempt to usurp the master of the household’ depending on his mood. He’s good at dramatically welcoming guests to your manor, though, if that’s a task you’d like him to fulfil.


Anonymous: What if Cornley did a play that had so many woman characters that Chris decides it’s time for the guys to dress up? I feel like Max would be twirling his skirt at every possibility. Chris would be very serious about it and look really good. Robert would be very flashy and surprisingly good at moving in high heels. Dennis is so confused that Chris recasts him as the pet dog. Jonathan constantly gets his costume caught in the set.

You’ve got a lot of great suggestions here already! So I’ll mainly focus on how willing the male members of the drama society are to crossdress.

Max: happy to crossdress, thinks it’s funny. Definitely twirls his skirt and has fun strutting around the stage; you’re absolutely correct on that front!

Robert: absolutely happy to crossdress if the role is sufficiently major. Will complain that it’s degrading if he’s crossdressing for a minor role, but he doesn’t have any real objection to dressing up; he’s just using whatever excuse he can find to get a better part. Plays his female role with confidence and commitment, but he has some weird ideas about what constitutes believably female body language, and he refuses to shave his beard.

Jonathan: a little nervous, but willing to give it a try. Of course, in the end, he’s unable to get onto the stage. He sighs deeply. Why was he even worried? He should have known that nobody would actually see him dressed like this.

Dennis: confused and alarmed, assumes he’s made a mistake and picked up the wrong costume somehow. He’ll put on the costume if you manage to convince him it’s the correct one, but he’ll be on edge at all times, expecting Chris to scold him for being in the wrong outfit.

Chris: feels extremely uncomfortable when dressing as a woman, but he’ll do his best to push through it and put on a sincere performance. The look suits him, but his discomfort leads him to move and deliver lines a little awkwardly.


the-red-thread-that-strangles: It's Robert's birthday! No one (aside from Dennis, perhaps) has been able to forget about it, because Robert has been dropping increasingly clear "hints" about when it is and what he wants for the last several rehearsals. What do the other members of the Drama Society get him?

What Robert really wants is an audience for his four-hour one-man show, so that's how everyone is going to be spending the evening of his birthday. Most of the drama society will do other things for him in addition, though!

Dennis asks Robert what he'd like as a present. "I'd like you to learn your lines for our next play, ideally," Robert replies. Dennis tries really, really hard. He doesn't entirely succeed. But he tries really, really, really hard.

Robert insists on scheduling a life coaching session with Vanessa on the day. She tries to turn it down, saying that he shouldn't be working on his birthday; she's surprised, and a little touched, when his response is "Nonsense; I enjoy our sessions." She makes an effort to agree enthusiastically with everything he says during the session, and she gives him a generous tip.

Max gets Robert something that Max finds funny, maybe a novelty mug. Okay, I just went looking for theatre-themed novelty mugs, and I can now say with one hundred percent certainty that Max gets Robert a mug that says 'I AM NOT YELLING; I AM PROJECTING'. Robert interprets the mug as a sincere statement in support of his acting style and is deeply touched.

Jonathan gets Robert some sort of high-quality, practical accessory, like a nice tie or cufflinks.

Sandra initially assumed that just attending Robert's show would be enough of a present. When she sees Jonathan handing over his high-quality gift, though, she starts to feel she should probably have got Robert something else. She throws out the first thing she can think of that doesn't require her to buy anything: "I'll trim your beard for you." Robert seems pleased by the offer, oddly enough, although he backseat drives constantly during the beard trimming.

Trevor is going to be stage managing Robert's show, which he definitely feels is enough of a present, and he refuses to be guilted into doing anything else.

Annie gets tickets for Robert to see a comedic musical with her. They have a good time, although they'll both say afterwards that they felt there was 'something missing' from the production. This is a feeling that all members of the Cornley Drama Society experience when they watch theatre that doesn't go hideously wrong.

Chris gives Robert the lead role in their next play. Robert is ecstatic.

A couple more answers to Goes Wrong Show questions I've received on Tumblr!


Anonymous: In the CCGW intermission, we get a glimpse of Robert’s CV—apparently, in Romeo and Juliet he played both Romeo and Juliet at the same time, while Chris was listed as the director (later usurped). Do you have any thoughts or ideas about the story behind that?

Robert playing both Romeo and Juliet in the same production is one of my favourite details from Robert's CV; it's such a Robert thing to do. I love him. He should play every part in every play.

I'm actually working on a fic about the dual-Roberts Romeo and Juliet right now [I received this question while I was writing Adaptability], but the concept there is 'there are literally two Roberts', which seems unlikely to be the canonical way it played out! It might instead have been something like this:

- Chris casts himself as Romeo.
- Robert uses every tool at his disposal - complaining, attempting to ensure none of the society's actresses will be available on the night, arguing that casting two men as the lovers will show the progressiveness of the drama society - to get himself cast as Juliet.
- Perfect; Robert is now Juliet! He's in a lead role! He's satisfied.
- ...
- Is he satisfied?
- Now that he sits down and counts, Romeo does have slightly more lines than Juliet. There's a difference of seventy-five lines! That's almost fourteen percent of Juliet's lines! Surely Robert should be playing Romeo?
- Robert attempts to persuade Chris to switch roles. Chris, incredulous, refuses.
- Robert continues to complain. Chris threatens to take Juliet away from him.
- Fine. Robert will have to take matters into his own hands. If he drugs Chris before the performance, just a little innocuous drugging, he can step into the role of Romeo, where he belongs.
- One small downside: nobody else has rehearsed the role of Juliet, so Robert is going to have to play her as well.
- Actually, that's not a downside at all. This is going to be the greatest performance of Romeo and Juliet ever seen.

There is one detail from Robert's CV that this concept doesn't account for: he lists the venue for his Romeo and Juliet production as 'France?', question mark and all. How does Robert end up putting on this play while uncertain of what country he's in? Unless he accidentally drugs himself slightly in the process of knocking Chris out, and then Chris regains consciousness before the play and, furious, chases Robert onto the Eurostar.


Anonymous: do you think robert would enjoy being a vampire?

Robert Grove would have a great time hamming it up as a vampire. He’d wear a cape. He’d hiss. He’d insist on the Cornley Drama Society putting on more vampire-centric plays, largely because he’s now the obvious choice to play vampiric characters.

There is not a chance Robert is nobly going to abstain from drinking human blood. He would attack strangers if he had to, but he’s a coward who wants to avoid serious physical conflict, so he’d try to persuade people to let him drink their blood voluntarily.

This works out fine at first; Sandra is happy to be a sexy vampiric victim! But then Sandra decides she’d prefer to be a sexy vampire, and Robert immediately agrees to turn her. After all, if they’re going to be putting on more vampire plays, it’ll be good to have someone who can play female vampires as well.

So now there are two vampires in the Cornley Drama Society, and Robert’s main source of blood is no longer an option.

Max and Annie agree to let Sandra feed from them: Max a little nervously, and Annie with surprising enthusiasm. Vanessa, very nervously, lets Robert feed from her; she’d really prefer not to have her blood drunk, but she’s worried about Robert not having enough sustenance and she doesn’t entirely know how to say no. Chris, having repeatedly insisted there’s not a chance that Robert will get any of his blood, eventually gives in because he’s worried about Vanessa and wants to ease the burden on her. (This leads to a very confusing sexual awakening for Chris, naturally.)


Also, hey, while I'm posting things from Tumblr, here's a video I took of the hopeful little meerkat I mentioned in this post! If you turn the sound on, you can hear the meerkat's tiny curious chirps and my charmed laughter.